…to welcome all who land on this blog after searching Google for The Fattest Man In The World.

He’s not here.

I’m not him.

I’m not his wife.

I’m not even the fattest woman in the world. 

So I’m sorry that Google has misdirected you.

But still, you are more than welcome to visit.  Anytime.

And if you have landed here after searching for the  

fattest person in the world, the fattest guy in the whole entire world, or the fattest man in the world weighs how much?,

then I’m sorry Google has misled you here to my little blog as well.  I can’t help you.  I don’t recall ever writing a post regarding anything to do with the fattest guy in the world.   And if I did, I would certainly give you the link.  Obviously, someone out there could be getting some serious traffic their way if they were to post any facts and information at all about the FATTEST MAN IN THE WORLD.  Because people seem to be oddly curious about this gentleman.  I’m sure he’s a great guy. 

And if you happen to be here by way of any of the following Google search terms, let me do my best to help you out, so that your visit to my blog isn’t a wasted trip…

dog drank a little rubbing alcohol  Seriously, if it is a big dog, I’m sure it’s fine.  If it’s a little dog, maybe you should call your vet.  And what kind of pet owner are you, anyway?

I missed out on something  I feel that way a lot.  Welcome.

will Sea Breeze take hair out, sea breeze astringent to stay cool, and sea breeze astringent gallon A gallon of Sea Breeze?  Really?  You must take your skin toner very seriously.  I don’t use toner, personally.  I don’t think Sea Breeze takes hair out, because I used it pretty regularly in 1988 and I had very bushy eyebrows.  So no to that one, try waxing.  And Sea Breeze to stay cool?  It does feel kind of cool and tingly going on, doesn’t it?

“jon and kate” Valentine’s fighting  I know!  I saw that one too.  Isn’t it awful?  I love that show.

men with purses, guys carrying purses, calvin klein purses for men, guy handbags, etc. etc.  I’m against them.  They look silly.  Here’s how I feel about them.

words that rhyme with mojito  Yojito?  Lojito?  Pojito?  Zojito?  You’d probably need to specify real words or just words that rhyme.

tim mcgraw personal assistant  Back off sister.  I’m in line for that job.  BACK OFF.

jessica simpson sandals  They are cute, aren’t they?  Think what you want about her herky jerky singing style, but she does seem to know shoes.  I ended up buying the ones I mentioned here.

where does lisa leslie buy her shoes?  Isn’t she a basketball player?  So I’m guessing Nike.  Or Reebok.  Try Zappos.com.  I buy almost all my shoes there.  Love, love, love me some Zappos.

nice stirrup pants  There is no such thing.  I would not lie to you.

wearing “bras” in third grade  Isn’t it a shame?  Why can’t they just stay “little”?  I blame it on the milk.  I really do.

how to clean your house  I call 1-800-MollyMaids.

embarrassing myself husband   Me too.  I am inflicted with the hugest case of foot in mouth syndrome that there ever was.  I pray on this one constantly.  ‘Lord, please help me to keep my BIG MOUTH SHUT.  Amen.’ 

If you are here for anything remotely related to the Pottery Barn and its sent from the Heaven cubbies for a mudroom, the closest thing I have to helping you with that is here.  And if you are looking to eat at the Grumpy Grouper on Hilton Head Island, you can read right here that I didn’t get to go.  My own grumpy grouper was a little too grumpy to eat there when we were in Hilton Head.  But I heard it’s really good.  You should go.

And lastly, if you are the person who came upon this blog after you typed my child is having mild chest pains into the Google, try WebMD.  Or call 911.  Or get the poor kid some anti anxiety meds.  I’m no doctor.

And I know nothing at all about the Fattest Man in the Entire World.  I promise.  But thanks for visiting.

Carry on with your summer.

After 2 days of closed door sessions, the creative team here at the 90 West blog has come to a decision. 

With the creative team meeting behind closed doors, the minions working fast and furiously to keep the blog afloat, and I using my preferred blog problem solving method of whining to the Queen B, an agreement has been reached to satisfy all involved parties.

That would be me, me and me.

The blog is on a break.  I am on a break.

The lead writer for the blog, head of the creative team, and chief minion, me, is stressed out about all things blog related.  The blog is not fun anymore.  The blog is a job.  A no-paying job.  And did I mention it is not fun?

The blog used to be fun.  And I used to be funny.

But going to work everyday is not fun, therefore I am no longer feeling the funny. 

(Unless of course, you are a rock star.  Or Tim McGraw’s personal assistant.  Then that would be a fun job.)

((And if you are reading this and you are Tim’s personal assistant, could you tell him I would love to be his friend?  Or his sister?))

(((Because I  know we would have fun hanging out together.  I know it.)))

((((And could I get a calendar?  Or a tshirt?  Autographed?))))

Oh, I do still find things funny.  But the funny that is everyday around here is just not coming out very funny on the blog.

So I am folding my cards.  Waving my white flag.  I surrender.  I cry Uncle.

I cannot do it all.

I am in the midst of the last weeks of school events and programs.  I have sports seasons that have begun to overlap and I have a birthday to prepare for.  I have a name to sew on the back of a jersey, summer plans to coordinate, and a yard that needs attention.  I have babies to hug.  And laugh with.  And I have a husband to talk to.  And a bit of laundry to do.  (Or every piece of clothing we own, however you want to look at it.)

And I am having some trouble getting all of that done while posting daily on the blog.  I am having trouble keeping up the quality, yes I called it quality, of material that I post on the blog.  Lately, my thoughts are jumbled and rambling, and I am not all together proud of the ‘writing’ I’ve been publishing everyday.  I expect to do better than I have been, and it frustrates me at eleven o’clock every night when I cannot bring a whole post together the way I envision it in my head.  Because, Interpeeps, I’m tired at eleven o’clock at night.  I want to sleep.  Or watch Jon and Kate plus 8.

I have not been a good blog reader and commenter lately, and I have not been responding to my comments like I usually do.  I feel guilty about it.  I’ve met so many great bloggers and I should show you the respect that you show me when you leave a comment by thanking you for your comment.  Or visiting your blog.  And lately, there has just been no time.

And I am sick of thinking about me and what I can say about me, myself and I, and all the things that goes with it, here on the blog.  Just look at how many times this post has the word me or I in it.  It’s quite a few.

I had some goals for the blog that have not been met.  I have some goals for the blog that need re-thinking.  I have also had some unexpected surprises come from having the blog. 

The good definitely outweighs the bad, and I for sure will be back before long.  I love blogging and I love bloggers.  But for right now, I need a break.

And I’m lucky enough to be the one that is in charge around here.

Dear Entertainment Moguls in Charge of Bringing Strawberry Shortcake to Life on DVD:

 My daughter is four years old.  She is a Strawberry Shortcake fan.  Actually fan would be an understatement.  Fanatic is probably the more appropriate term.

She enjoys the movies and the dolls, the books and the backpack.  She actually thinks that Strawberry’s hair smells good, so you know she is a true follower.

As a former follower of Strawberry back in the day, I do understand the pull of the cute little red head.  She’s sweet, she’s cute, her friends all have cool names and she has a killer theme song.

Straw-ba-ba-ba-ba-berry ShortCAKE!

What I am not understanding is why you felt the need to muck up this innocent little cartoon with real life.  Strawberry Shortcake is a fantasy.  She lives in a fantasy world.  Her friends are make believe. 

Imagine my surprise, when my little 4 year old came to me concerned for Strawberry’s friend, Caramel Corn,  who is going to lose her farm.  Because she can’t afford to keep it.  Because someone is stealing her chickens and cows, thereby lessening her milk and egg production, causing revenue to go down and putting the farm in jeopardy.

And yes I am speaking of a doll.  In a movie.  Who, even though she is named after a snack, clearly has real life problems going on.

After watching this particular episode 184 times, apparently the message hit home that poor Caramel Corn stood to lose it all, causing great amounts of distress to my child,  who was genuinely worried that CC would be out on the street. 

So, Entertainment Moguls in Charge of All Things Strawberry Shortcake related,  I am writing to ask you this…could we leave the fairy in the fairytale?  The fantasy in the fantasy-world?  And perhaps could Strawberry Shortcake, Caramel Corn, Plum Puddin’ and the gang have problems a little bit more age appropriate for their viewing audience?

Because I turn on your DVD’s when I need a few minutes of peace and quite, a babysitter if you will.  I do not turn on your DVD’s to upset my child because she thinks Caramel Corn is about to lose the farm and be homeless.

And yes, I know that at the end, the whole problem gets wrapped up nice and pretty in a little package and the problem is solved.  But real life doesn’t work that way.

And I prefer that my four year old believes in fairytales, fantasies and general happiness in Strawberry Shortcake world for as long as possible. 

Or at least until she starts watching Hannah Montana, where they have real problems.

 Thank You,

A Strawberry Fan from way back raising a Strawberry Fan of today.

I am experiencing post-long-weekend-letdown disorder today.

I wish I had pictures of my long weekend to share, but lo, ’twas not meant to be.

I charged the camera battery on Friday.  And I made sure to pack the camera with its fully charged battery on Saturday.

On Saturday, when I went to take my first picture of the weekend known as Summer Kickoff ‘08, I was disappointed to see that while the camera was ready and the battery was charged, the memory stick had decided not to make the trip.

So I went to Walmart.  My first visit of the season to my favorite Walmart.  And I was going to buy one, except that I didn’t.  Because Walmart must not have been prepared for the Chicagoans Who Forgot Their Memory Sticks During Their Mad Dash To Get Out of Town For The Long Weekend rush.  Because the memory stick shelves?  They were pretty empty.  Apparently I was not the only one whose memory stick had lagged behind.

If I had been able to take photos of me this weekend, you would have seen lots of photos of me eating.  And napping.  And going out to eat.  And sleeping late.  It was an extremely productive weekend, spent solely meeting my basic needs of sleeping and eating.  Is there a better way to spend a weekend?  

If I had been able to take photos of my kids this weekend, you would have seen pictures of them fishing, and eating, and fighting, and playing outside, fishing some more, playing games of Life and Checkers, and of course, fighting.  Because you know what I realized this weekend?  My kids, they never stop the fighting.  Ever.  Never ever.  And it is driving me crazy.

Besides the pictures of all the fighting and name calling and hitting each other on the head with a golf club, there were some good times had. 

My Gracie Girl finally put two and two together and figured out how to pump her feet on the swing.  And her pumping her own feet means that I don’t have to push her anymore.  It also means that she is growing up and getting big and needing me less and less for things that she used to rely on me for, all things that tug on the emotions of a mama whose kids are getting older.  But it also means that I don’t have to push her anymore. 

And I have more time on my hands to take naps.  And eat.

Oh!  And read!  I read a whole book this weekend.  The Friday Night Knitting Club.  It was excellent.  Very excellent.  And sad.  So sad that when I was done, I wanted to eat some comfort foods.  And a chocolate bar.  And go take a nap.

And luckily, I was able to.

Because my girl?

She can pump her own feet on the swing and make herself fly high into the air.

All the napping and eating and reading in the world isn’t as good as watching her do that.

1.  So I didn’t post yesterday.  Which was very weird for me.  Because I like to try and post daily.  My mind is quieter when I write, and I use that term loosely, here on the blog.  A lot of what I write, never sees its way onto the World Wide Web, because I never hit publish.  But just getting the thoughts out of my brain, makes for a calmer me.  Which is good, because stressed out me?  Well, she yells.  A Lot.

2.  The Twitter is going okay.  It is weird.  And a little fun.  But mostly weird.  I think I don’t fully understand it, is what the problem is.  But I’m trying.  Because I’m cool like that.

3.  I don’t know why you need to know this, but I am using a new foundation.  It is called Traceless by Prescriptives.  I read about it on a QBBQ: Foundation Edition and I picked some up a couple of weeks ago.  And I enjoy it.  It is light.  And sheer.  And traceless.  I’m a Level 3.  I’ve worn it everyday since I got it, and no new pimples.  Well, two pimples.  But they were not makeup related. 

4.  I had an email earlier this week from someone wanting to know if I was a blog reader and if I was, why I don’t have a blogroll.  She thought I should.  And I did understand the reasons behind why she thought it was important for bloggers to have one, I really did.  I used to have one.  But now I don’t.  I just think that it is hard to find blogs based on other peoples recommendations.  My best reads are ones that I have stumbled upon, and I feel like if I click with a blog right away then I’ll go back, but that is not something that I can decided for another person.  I have gone through the blogrolls of blogs I really enjoy, but I didn’t always enjoy their blogrolls.  So it’s really just a personal thing.  But yes, I do read blogs.  And I do have a blogroll.  It’s just in my head.  Okay?

5.  Does anyone watch Criminal Minds?  The finale on Wednesday blew me away.  That is what I call a cliffhanger.

6.  My son is having a luau today at school.  He is supposed to wear a bathing suit.  To school!  All day!  There is no pool at the school.  Can’t they have a luau in regular clothes?  Or just wear a lei?  I don’t get it.  And am I even spelling luau right?

7.  Three of my kids are having friends over tonight.  I don’t know why I agreed to this.  I think last week it seemed like ‘next Friday’ was forever away.  But it’s today.  And it is not really how I want to kick off the long weekend.

8.  Speaking of long weekends, anybody have any exciting plans for Memorial Day?  For us, Memorial Day is the kickoff to the summer season up at my in-laws summer place.  I hope the weather cooperates, and if it does, on Saturday we will be heading North. 

9.  So I don’t have a nine.  I just feel like my list should have ten items.  So I had to add in this number nine.  I guess I could tell you that I took a nap yesterday for an hour.  I did.  I left my child unsupervised and fell fast asleep.  Why is it at two o’clock in the afternoon I can’t keep my eyes open, but at ten o’clock at night I’m wide awake and ready to go?  And the unsupervised child?  Well she polished off a package of bologna.  So I’m confident she can take care of herself in any situation, since I know she at least won’t let herself go hungry.

10.  Remember I said that I started a book this week, for the first time in a long time?  I finished it today.  And I plan on starting another one right away.  Because reading?  I love it. 

And I love long weekends.  I hope that you have a great one!

I have jumped on the Twitter wagon.

I have no idea why, except that everybody else was doing it.

Which is an expression that is totally going to come back to haunt me when my kids are older.

So if you want to follow me, you can find me here.

And you can know what I’m doing, all of the time.  Or at least, when I actually update the Twitter.  Which will probably be as often as I actually exercise.

In any case, I promise that my minute to minute happenings contain much of the same mediocrity that you’ve come to know and love here on the blog.

And I believe that is all.

Today’s post promises to be even more exciting than yesterday.  Because I lead a wild and crazy life.  And then I blog about it.  And then you get to read about it.

Look at it this way, at least reading this blog is cheaper than paying for Ambien or Lunesta.

When I was talking about my weekend I forgot to mention that I started reading a book.  Yes.  A real live book that wasn’t written for the four to six year old crowd.  A book that has no pictures.

I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit to you that I have read only two books since I started blogging last summer.  I used to be an avid reader.  I could read a book in one night, if I was really into it.  I even belong to a book club.  (It doesn’t help that my book club has a very liberal policy on whether or not the actual reading of the book is necessary.) 

I love to read.  Lately though, I just have not had time.  The time I used to spend crawling into bed with a book at night is now replaced by blogging.  And reading blogs.  And thinking about posts for the blog.  And pictures for the blog.  And wondering how it is the blog took over my life.

I kid.

It hasn’t taken over my whole life.  Only my life between the hours of 8pm and Midnight.  And sometimes between the hours of 8 and 10am.  And maybe a stray afternoon here and there.  But definitely not my whole life.  Because that would just be weird. 

So last week I hopped my self over to Amazon and ordered five new books.  Two cookbooks and 3 books to read.  Because the only thing that is slacking off more around here than my reading, is my cooking.  But that is not related to the blog.  That is just related to the lazy.

And yes, I did just write the lazy.  Whatever that means.  I’m not going back to fix it.

My books arrived on Thursday and they felt so good in my hands.  Clean and new with crisp pages.  I love books.

I started off with a book called Living Simply.  I am interested in simplifying, organizing, de-cluttering and living simply while appreciating the people I have rather than the things I have.  So the book was a good pick for me.  I went up to bed Saturday night, without giving the blog a second thought, and dove right in to the book. 

(And I’m going to be totally honest with you and say that the very next day after starting the book entitled Living Simply, I found myself making a list of six things that I am in desperate need of for my house and myself.  So clearly, I have not finished the book yet.)

It felt good.  It felt good to be in bed reading.  It felt good to turn every page and actually be thinking about something other than the blog and what to write for the blog.  It felt good to feel my eyes grow heavy and my body relaxing. 

I think I’m going to give it a try again tonight.

It may even become a habit again.

Are there any great fiction or self-help or organizing-the-home type books that you love that I should read?

So…yeah.  That about sums it up.  My three favorite weekend activities were non existent this weekend.  I’m actually glad it’s Monday so I can get back to doing things I enjoy without all of my people around.  Because my people?  Well, apparently they are tired of eating Mexican food.  I have no idea how this is even a possibility,  but whatever.  Denny’s can be just as satisfying on a Saturday night.

I had no time for a nap this weekend, either.  I have no idea what I was so busy doing, because I got exactly nothing done, but I know that there was no napping involved.

I did shop a little, but it wasn’t for me, so it doesn’t really count.

My two older girls got new beds this weekend.  We got them each a new queen size bed, so that was very exciting.  Saturday afternoon, I took them out shopping for new bedding, that was very exciting too.  There is nothing like shopping with an eight and ten year old who can’t make up their mind.  I have no idea where their indecisiveness comes from, because I am very decisive shopper.  If I like something, I like it right away.  I learned this weekend that young girls are not the same way.  They can only make a decision on if they like something or not, once they’ve eliminated the choices at seven other stores.  Then, and only then, will they know that they are happy with what they saw at the first store.

And by the time they figured that out, it will be too late in the day to bother with a nap.

Saturday was also filled with the usual sporting activities.  The Angels won again.  The Melons did not.  Those poor, poor Melons.  Saturday’s loss was the closest one yet, we only lost by three.  It was almost as sweet as I imagine a win would be.  One of these Saturdays, those Melons may even score a goal.  Watch out.

Sunday flew by.  There was the usual last minute school project to be completed, and thanks goes to Wendi for saving the day.  I shamelessly copied every suggestion she gave me, and the ABC book of South Carolina is complete.  I hope I get an A.  Third grade has been a bit challenging for me this year.

My son had a birthday party to go to in the afternoon.  For three hours.  I even bought an extra nice gift because I was so grateful to have him out of the house for three hours.  I don’t mean that in a cruel way.  I love my son.  He’s my guy, my buddy.  He also never stops talking.  So I was  really just grateful for the three hours I did not have to listen to all the talking. 

Because the talking?  It never stops. 

Just so you know.

I went and picked him up when the party was over, and you’ll be glad to know the talking resumed.  And because there was an at home reptile show at the birthday party, there was plenty to talk about.  For the next five hours, non-stop talking.  About all the reptiles.

Did you know that cold blooded animals don’t bite? 

And that a corn snake can be fourteen feet long?

I admire moms that can host a themed birthday party at their house.  I am not one of those moms.  I lack the necessary skill required for hosting small children in my home; patience. 

And I don’t like messes.

Anyway.

My weekend was just so exciting I can’t begin to share anymore, for fear of making you all envious,  it was just that darn good.

I enjoyed reading all of the comments from Friday’s post.   Y’all are some criers.  I can’t wait to get started watching all of your suggestions.

So, about the contest…I have a winner.

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

38

Timestamp: 2008-05-19 03:49:13 UTC

38 is Elizabeth.  Congratulations to you. 

And thanks everyone, for reading, commenting and making me laugh every day.

I don’t know if I have 200 more posts in me, I don’t even know what I could possibly have to say about tomorrow, but I’ll keep trying.  Because the blogging thing?  I do enjoy it.  And you, interpeeps.  I do enjoy you.

But you know what I enjoy most about the blogging?

It is a talk free activity.

I watched Juno recently.  Because I was curious as to what all the talk was about.  And I love Jennifer Garner.  We are practically BFF’s, because I was once a double agent for the CIA too.

Not really.

I just played one on TV.

And my wig was blue, not pink. 

I liked Juno.  K did not.  Big surprise.  He said it was a chick flick.  Well, of course it was.  Did he think a movie called Juno about a pregnant girl was going to be like another Die Hard installment?

Juno was sweet and funny and actually kind of inspiring.  Oh, and I cried.  And not just the polite movie theatre cry, where the tears run down your cheeks but you keep the sobs quiet so as not to embarrass yourself. 

Oh no.  I was at home on my couch sobbing.  It was loud and my nose was dripping and it was ugly.  It was the framed note written on the Jiffy Lube receipt.  It got me.  There was no holding back once I saw that note Juno wrote to Vanessa.

And K was all like,  ”YOU’RE CRYING?!???!” like I was some crazy woman or something.

And I was like, “YOU’RE NOT?!???!”  like he was some cold hearted piece of stone.

But whatever.  How could I expect emotion from a man who owns the SAW trilogy?  And actually watches them.

I love movies.  I like to laugh and think and and watch bombs go off and see people get rescued by moving helicopters off of a burning building. 

And I like to cry.

And Juno made me cry.  

So I got to thinking, what other movies have me weep?  Bawl?  Blubber?  Sob?

There are quite a few.

1.  Steel Magnolias.  One of my favorites.  I always swore I’d name my daughter Shelby and my son Jackson.  And live in the South.  I love the sarcasm, the gossip and the one liners in this movie.  And the sassiness.  This movie is just plain sassy.  And so darn sad.

2. Terms of Endearment.  So Debra Winger is terminally ill in this movie.  And she dies at the end.  And leaves her kids and her mom.  And I cry and cry whenever I see this movie.  I wish my mom and I were more like Emma and Aurora.  And I’ve always loved the name Aurora.

3. The Bodyguard.  Because he took a bullet for her.  There is nothing more romantic than that.  I still have the VHS tape of this movie.  I don’t have anything to play it on, but I cannot throw it away.  It would be like throwing away part of 1992.

4.  We Are Marshall.   From the Ashes We Rose.  Now that has to be top five in All Time Best Tag Lines.  If there is a top five.  Those poor boys.  I just wanted to hug Nate Ruffin.  And tell him everything would be alright.  This movie was more than just a sports movie.  I confess, I may have been chanting along during the student body chant of  ”WE ARE.  MARSHALL.”  Right there in my family room.  Oh yes I was.

5.  Beaches.   Well of course Beaches.  It goes with my whole dying and leaving a child behind thing that I seem to enjoy in a tear jerk-er.  And I love that this story is about friends.  I don’t have a friend like CC and Hillary were to each other.  That makes me kind of sad.  I love the part where Hillary is about to die and they are sitting on the beach and she is wrapped in a blanket and CC just looks at her.  Waterworks.

6.  Stepmom.   Ditto 1, 2, and 5.  I mean really, I think I’ve covered it.  The mom is sick.  The mom dies.  The end.

7.  Philadelphia.  I really think it was the opera music that made this movie extra emotional.  I hope I don’t die with opera music playing.  That is too depressing.  Opera makes everything seem more serious.  But this movie…brings out my ugly cry.

8.  Mask.  Two words.  Puffy Eyes.  I have this on my Tivo right now.  And I can’t bear to watch it again.  But I can’t delete it, because I can’t do that to poor Rocky Dennis.  And what if I want to watch it again?  I love Rocky Dennis and I can watch this movie over and over again.  Rocky is noble and strong and fun and full of life and love.  And he makes me feel ashamed for thinking about my zits and my big nose and my sagging eyelids.  Rocky=perspective.  Lesson learned.

9.  My Life.   Oh Michael Keaton you may be Batman but I will always think of you as Bob Jones.  So I start crying at the beginning of this one and I don’t stop until the credits roll.  Sometimes I will see this movie on and I’ll stop to watch and I have to ask myself, “Why are you doing this to yourself?”  And still I watch.  Knowing full well my eyes will be swollen shut the next day.  This movie is so sad, it is just cruel.  “Dying is a really hard way to learn about living.”  Enough said.

10.  Ordinary People  The Jarrett Family.  I have driven by “their” house and I actually feel like they really lived there.  Even though I know they didn’t.  But I really care about this family, so I feel like it is okay to pretend.  When I was younger, I loved Conrad and hated the mom, Beth.  Now I’m a mom, and I don’t hate Beth so much anymore.  I don’t necessarily agree with her, but I understand.  Being the mom is hard.

So that’s my top 10.  There are others, of course.  Brian’s Song and Platoon and The Cure and Remember the Titans.  But those 10 are the ones that make me cry till it hurts. 

So tell me, what movies make you cry?   Which ones have I missed?  I’d love to watch them.

And you know what else?  This is my 200th post. 

Now that is nothing to cry about.

So let’s have ourselves a little contest.

Leave me a comment with your favorite sad movie, one that is going to make me sob and need to apply the Preperation H to the bags under my eyes from all the crying,  and I will choose a random winner to send my three favorites to from my sad movie list. 

(Unless you don’t want 8,9 and 10.)

((Although I don’t know why you wouldn’t.))

(((But if you don’t, I guess you could tell me which you do want.)))

((((But 8,9 and 10 are really good, just so you know.))))

And then we can have swollen eyes together.

I never had any pets when I was a kid, with the exception of two goldfish named Bo and Luke. 

Duke.

Yes, I was a fan.

It was a good show.  And they were never meanin’ no harm.

Plus, being in trouble with the law since the day they were born was kind of a catchy lyric.

Anyway.  I grew up in a house without pets.  I wanted a dog.  And a horse.

I never got either.

I always knew when I grew up, I would have a dog of my own.  Because my mom told me when I was the mom, I would be able to make the rules. 

So now I am the mom.  The making the rules part, I’m not so sure about.

K always had a dog when he was growing up.  There was Shannon the Irish Setter.  Rocky the Cocker Spaniel who loved to steal your food right off the table, and Casey the Chocolate Lab.

Well, the owners of Rocky and Bo and Luke Duke are all grown up now, with a house full of pets of their own.

In fact, there are now more pets in the house than people.

I always wanted a dog, but this is getting ridiculous.

There’s Nala, the matriarch.  She’s six.

A better dog there never was.   And she smiles for the camera too.

She is quiet and well behaved.  She loved to swim and play fetch with a tennis ball.  She sleeps next to K’s side of the bed every night and she rests under a table during the day.  She loves to go for walks, she never wears a collar or a leash, and she will never wander away from home.  She lets the kids play with her and play on her, and for the most part she is a good sport about it.  She is everything a loyal canine companion should be.

She’s a keeper.

This, on the other hand, is Koko.  And this is a picture of one of her best qualities.

She is naughty, makes a mess (see photo), and then gives me THE LOOK.  The Look that says she feels bad about what she’s done.  Can you see it?  It’s pathetic.  And then I am the one that ends up feeling BAD for being MAD at HER.

I am being played by a puppy, people.

I have been taken in by the cuteness.  Big mistake.  Her beautiful fur and big, soft ears do not make up for the rumblin’, bumblin’ stumblin’, locomotion that is Koko.

She makes a mess wherever she goes, every single day.

She drips drool from her mouth.  Constantly.

She eats more than I do.

She whimpers like a baby.

She steps in the water bowl.

She walks in to people and things.

She is always ready to play.

She knocks things over with her tail.  And they break.  Or spill.

She cannot keep her wet face off of my sliding door.

She is lucky she is cute.  And sweet.  Because she tries my patience.

And then there are my sons fish. Four of them.

They are modern miracles.

We have had them for fourteen months and they are still alive and kickin’.

I have never had fish that had such staying power.

They obviously are not distant relatives of Bo and Luke Duke, who had to be replaced every two weeks.

This is our newest addition. She (or He) moved in on Valentines Day ‘08.

How romantic.

I would formally introduce you, but all the kids are at school and I am not sure what its name is today. It seems to change every day, depending on which of my children you ask.

I believe it was originally called Shelly. Original. And then Turty. Even more original. And then, you’ll never believe this one, Rocky. Uh-huh.

The tradition lives on.

If only Bo and Luke were still around.